Bad Luck, Good Luck

Last week, I sat the final exam in my three year course. It did not go well.

In the days before, I did little with my spare time but immerse myself in notes, textbooks and endless calculations. I thought I was more prepared than I could ever be and I knew the content of the module inside out. I was wrong. What greeted me when I opened my exam on the computer was like nothing I had seen before. Fair enough, most of it was content which I had revised, with a few basics from other modules thrown in. But it was presented in such a different way that it threw me. I floundered, I panicked a little, I did what I could and I left feeling deflated.

I spent the walk home from the train station wrapped up in my thoughts. I had hoped that the hard work would all be over and I would be able to relax and enjoy the summer with my little boy and nothing else on my mind. I was angry. At myself, at the questions which had been presented to me, at the unfairness of it, that on top of a cancelled graduation this had happened, at the fact that it was all really just down to bad luck.

And then I reached my house. I looked up at it, this house which had become my home through a series of circumstances, and I suddenly felt guilty. What was I doing, feeling so sorry for myself and my bad luck, when I have more than my fair share of good luck?

No matter how horrible that dayand how frustrating the past months had been, I have a home much better than I could have imagined, with a garden and such lovely neighbours. I have a good relationship with my wonderful man who I love so much, I have one amazing, happy little boy and a whole summer ahead of adventure with him. When put into perspective, a cancelled graduation, a possible failed exam, a probability of more work and exams to come when I thought it would be over, all of these things are insignificant in comparison to the good things in my life.

I let myself into my house, I set about making a beef stew and I welcomed home my boys. I took every negative emotion I was feeling and I let it all go. It felt good.

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7 Responses to Bad Luck, Good Luck

  1. I bet it felt good. It is not always easy to remember how lucky we are… I do hope that your exam results will be better than what you think, though!

  2. Sarah says:

    I read the start of your post feeling deep sympathy and feeling your frustration. I read the end with awe. It takes great strength to push aside our own disappointments and not let them influence the people around us. It takes a special person to not dwell too long on the ‘hard’ parts, but to see the ‘good’ in each slice of life.

    Dropping by from Sleep is for the Weak.

    My post: http://www.catchingthemagic.com/2011/07/what-made-today-mean-something/

  3. You are so right. An exam can be taken again but your relationships cannot be relived. You will have all the support your family can give when you find out how well you did in the exam 🙂

  4. HannaH says:

    you made me cry :s I love reading your blog 🙂 A simple reminder of the person I miss most. (phil doesn’t count, he’s a BOY :P)

    xxx

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