I haven’t been here for a while.
A hell of a lot can happen in a year. I now have a business and I am once again a single mum, in the full sense of the phrase. My son and I had a lovely summer, both celebrated our birthdays and had our best Christmas yet. And the New Year truly was a new start. But that’s sort of superficial stuff. I have learned and grown and discovered a bit more of myself, and so has he. I realised through the break down of my relationship last year that it takes more strength to give up than keep trying, and that giving up doesn’t mean you are weak, it shows courage. The best thing in my life will always be watching my boy grow.
It’s been a struggle lately, it still is a little, but I’m in a good place now. Heart-breaking as it all was, and really for my boy more than myself – how confusing such a change is for a small child – I focussed well on the positives. There are many of them. J and I have a close relationship and many days full of fun together. It’s hard, it always will be, but it’s hard in the best way. Because he is wonderful.
Life truly has been a bumpy ride for me, and so often I felt that everything which happened to me was so far out of my control, but now I have discovered within me a fierce love for life. I suppose it was there all along, I just needed to find it. And my acceptance for the way that things are, my ability to go with the flow, only improves with time. Big, terrible, awful events can happen in life, but we all have the power to make our moments amazing.
I spent almost a year working to set up a business and the day on which it finally came together, I felt relief. It’s damn hard work but the fear of failure is now overshadowed by excitement. Nothing is certain, that’s for sure, and it can still all go terribly wrong in a moment but I have realised that to be self employed, I must embrace this, and so I do. The satisfaction I get from what I do is fantastic, and the reason I decided to do it all in the first place.
Isn’t life beautiful? And isn’t being a parent really the best of it, in the end? Onwards, always.