Im broke. Just about.
I saw it coming for a while. When your outgoings are simply more than whats coming in, its going to happen isnt it? I saw my savings fast dwindling. I panicked and tried to spend them on worthwile things. A passport. A fifth birthday party. Swimming lessons. Paint for the house. A start on paying for Christmas. I think I did good.
It meant that the inevitable happened a lot faster, but now I feel that the hundreds of pounds I struggled to save has been used on good things, on the things it was meant for. Last night, I came back from a day out at the zoo (a last hurrah), logged on to my internet banking, and cried. Yes, this time I saw it coming, but it still hit me hard.
Its happened before. I remember the time I sold a piece of furniture for £20 on Ebay and suddenly we had money to buy the weeks groceries. I remember the time I paid the rent three days late and they charged me such an extortionate amount that it took months for my finances to recover. So why did I do it? Why did I spend all that money on the good things when I knew it was running out and we would be left with nothing?
Well, this time its not quite as bad as those other times. But also I have faith. I always have faith that it will be ok. We will get by. We always do. When the money is there, its good. I dont have to worry. I dont have to scrimp. I can give my son wonderful things. But I know that I know how to live on nothing. So spending everything I had was a good decision. I cried when I finally saw the money had gone, but I know that it went on what it was meant for. And theres always someone worse off. Its not like were sleeping on the floor or eating from bins or anything is it? I still have blessings to count. What have I got to complain about, really?
Being broke wont last. It never does. I know how to be careful, how to save the pennies when I know it really matters. I have a new job. Its not the job I really want, its not the best paid. But its a job. And it came at just the right time. Hopefully we will be out of the water faster now. Being broke aint all that bad. It helps that I know it wont last too long. Besides, arent the best things in life free anyway?