My Biggest Guilt

The thing I feel the most guilty about as a mother is that my son has no siblings. Im just not in a position to have more, although I think it would be perfect if I was. Im ready, but my life isnt, and thats so important. I had a difficult childhood, but it was made a happy one by the close bond I had with my siblings. We spent many a happy day together, usually in the great outdoors.

It is a big wide world out there, and Im still young and learning about it. Sometimes I feel alone, more so as I grow up. Ive never been good at making and keeping friends. Im quiet and not the best communicator, and have learned that good intentions are just, well, not good enough. Good actions are what’s needed. I naturally struggle in social situations and its something I really have to work at.
My siblings are always there. Although we are not close like we were in childhood, it is nice to know there will always be someone. My son doesnt have siblings, but I hope to be a someone for him when he is growing and finding his way.

I see him playing by himself day to day and although I can see he is happy most of the time, I can’t help thinking how much nicer it would be for him to have a consistent playmate. Unfortunately, life never turns out how we wanted it to. I thought that when I had children there would be more of them and we would live a traditional family life. I still hope to have that sometime, but for now, while its just my son and me, we will have to make do with finding playmates in the park, at soft play or on the beach.

My only consolation is that, unlike me, he is brilliant at finding and making friends.

My son and his best friend

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This entry was posted in About J, About Me, Family, On Motherhood. Bookmark the permalink.

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